i felt lousy yesterday. and then a friend invited me out. and i went and i felt better. i still don't feel well or quite right- but not quite as paralyzed.
i just finished a book. that the daughter of a friend of mine wanted us both to read. it had a happy ending. which i suppose the world needs.
i could use one, myself. but you know, given my stubbornness and fear, i'm not sure i'm capable of creating as the characters in the story were capable of doing.
and so i may just have to survive in this life.
which is far more than so many people in this world ever get even the chance to do. by accidents of birth. don't be born in Syria, or the Democratic Republic of Congo, or Brazil ... or.... whereever-
do those people even matter in the bigger picture of things? the world's a big blue marble when you see it from up high. do they matter?
do animals matter?
do bugs?
creatures in the sea?
it's so very hard to believe that i matter if those souls don't.
so what does it matter? why do we even try?
all i know is i don't want to be who i was. i want to be kind. from here on out. and do right things as much as i am capable of. even tho- it may not matter one single bit.
does that matter?
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