so i was talking with my x. and yeah. i've had some really good conversations with my x of late. and while there are still reasons why he's my x, i also realize that i underestimated him in so many ways. and i treated him badly. not that he didn't treat me badly too. but quite honestly, i may have started it.
anyway, we were discussing an issue, and i said something to the effect that while the past always matters, that there were just things that i felt incapable of doing anything about, and that i couldn't go back and change them. just i would go back and change them if i could. and that the only thing i can think to do from here on out is be as "kind" a person as i possibly could be. to not be out for myself. or be judgmental. from here on out.
and so, being a veteran of AA and NA and all that, albeit a very eclectic veteran (meaning he took what he needed, left the rest, and added what helped) he says to me, "you know, you more or less just cited the serenity prayer. change what you can, leave the rest. that's wisdom"
and huh. well, yeah. i guess i did. in my seeking of calmness and serenity for myself. although, it does still disturb me that there is something that i possibly could change or own up to, but refuse to because the cost would be too high. for me. and possibly for others.
and if i'll pay for that someday in another realm, well, sigh, i guess i will. as you know- i don't know.
But that is how i'm proceeding, for now.
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